Meditation on Change – an Experience

21 Sep 2024 Leave a comment

by zeuslyone in Buddhism, Meditation Tags: , , , ,

Focal thought: “Consider how everything changes. Nothing remains the same.”

Consideration: Voices outside the window. Conversation – air leaving the lungs through the changes of teeth and tongue to create a vibration of sound waves passing from ear to ear, the informational process churn of brain cells (chemicals flitting cell to cell, electricity shooting along biological wires), blood flow sending the nutrients and calories for work, etc… A complex system of body-mind encountering another body-mind. The rumblings of cars and trucks from the road below and behind – wheels moving at hundreds of rpms, complex machinery laboring with explosive heat – moving tons of metal at speeds faster than the human body can achieve. The houses outside – some being built, others being torn down – an ongoing process of change, repair, disrepair, creation, and destruction. What was this place like 10 years ago? 30? 60? – a conversation with a local resident comes to mind about the neighborhood of the past – 140 years ago? – when settlers were just beginning to create this city? What about the glorious volcano about a hundred miles distant – icon of the area? What was it like when it erupted hundreds of years ago? What will this neighborhood become in the years to come? What will happen if it erupts again?

Shift: what about the changes within myself within this space? Mind shifts to memories of the last few years, thinking on images and moments of the becoming and unbecoming in a mind’s time reversal of the “me”s before. Friends, acquaintances, and family and their own changes/stories/progressions/regressions come up as the mind flits through this time machine imaginarium.

A previous moment and meditation arises: summers ago, meditating on a paddle board in the sea, looking at the beach and the people on shore. Heart broken. Lost. Desperate for peace. Trying to cultivate equanimity in the violent turbulence of the sea’s swells and life’s swells: “All beings are heirs to their karma.”

A pondering: “Who am I sitting still in this world of ever-changing motion?”

Answer: “I” am movement. Nothing is truly “still”. “I” is not a solid, abiding thing.

Koan: “How can I sit to cultivate “peace” in the midst of this ever-change?”

The answer arose immediately and deeply. The emotional distractions fell away, and attending to breath and moment become fluid, effortless, and profound. Just presence. Nothing to solve.

A Lotus in the Muddy Water

21 Dec 2020 Leave a comment

by zeuslyone in Meditation, Mindfulness Tags: , , ,

Recent times have been a struggle for me, as I’m sure they have been for so many. I sit mired in unemployment, and it doesn’t seem that countless job applications are going anywhere. Furthermore, virtually every other aspect of life feels stagnant. There seems no hope any time soon of moving forward out of the muck, despite my best efforts. In my worst moments, I feel the downward pull into those murky depths of depression.

Thankfully, I’ve been trying to really focus on mindfulness and meditation practice again. Thus, in a couple of my worst moments recently, I’ve tried to stop, focus on my breathing, and just let thoughts pass through as I let my attention take in not only them but my body and all the sound and world that is my greater sphere of experience and interdependence, which is so muted and out of focus when the narrative, samsaric mind revs up into full gear. When I’ve done this, I’ve found moments of light kensho where the self seems to just melt away, and everything is just happening, one becoming, rather than “I” and world. I’m not sure what word to use for it. It’s “peaceful” and “compassionate”, but these are both inadequate somehow, as it’s no longer a reaction of me as the observer and judger of what’s happening. It’s just becoming. Afterwards, everything seems more worthy of acceptance and gratitude as it is, and reactions of anger or judgment seem silly — from a misplaced, reactive, and self-protective stance that misses key aspects of how others are wrapped in their own stress and confusion.

I’d remembered the phrase “a lotus in the muddy water” when thinking about these experiences and it struck me as a good metaphor. Our samsaric lives are right in the middle of the chaotic churn of karmic mud. The water can’t help but be muddy. However, in trying to escape, we only rile it up more and more. Yet, there’s beauty in seeing that this isn’t some terrible, profane thing that we must overcome. The chance at peace is right there in the middle of it by taking root and growing in it. Only then can you truly blossom.

May this help others find the ability to pause and open their minds and hearts in their most trying moments.

Gassho!